Monday, June 28, 2010

Trail Mix Sucks

Trail mix sucks because you never want to eat everything that's in there. You find yourself picking around the gross nuts and seeds to get to the M&M's, and then trying a raisin only to rediscover that the salt from the nuts gets all in that shit. Salty raisins? No, thanks. Seriously, who's idea was it to mix everything all together like that? Satan? Yeah, probably. I can just imagine it: Heh-heh... ohh, add some salty nuts in with the raisins so they get all weird and dry and salty. Hey, while you're at it, stick in some weird seeds that'll get stuck in people's teeth, and just enough M&M's to make people think they actually want to eat that shit up. Perfect...

Trail Mix is the Devil's snack. So why am I eating it right now?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Today, I love my job.

This morning, the clear glass on the display table at the country club broke. I wasn't there to witness the accident or the mess it created, but I did get to work a 4-9pm shift behind a display table with a missing plate of glass. This was surprisingly hilarious. As my usual workday involves a lot of cleaning up to kill time, waiting for the occasional customer to come in or call, and generally being bored out of my mind, I truly appreciated the entertainment value of the situation.

So there I am, sitting at the desk, bored as usual. A customer arrives. As he approaches the table, I wonder if he has bothered to read the three signs I painstakingly hung over the hole. He hasn't. He begins to talk before I can warn him about the missing glass, and--WOAH! This poor man drops his wallet in the display case! I apologize profusely for the missing glass, but I'm not really sorry. How could he not have seen the signs I made? Maybe he just can't read, or he's in a hurry? Whatever the case, I was pretty confident that it wouldn't happen again.

Oh, how wrong I was. For the rest of the day, I watched people attempt to lean or place things on a nonexistant surface. Women shrieked with surprise as their pens fell into the chips display. Children lost their balance as they tried to press their noses against thin air. I myself nearly sprayed Windex all over some Snickers bars in the confusion. It was glorious.

I admit, I could have tried harder to verbally warn these people about the missing glass. However, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was just too funny to watch somebody drop their belongings three inches away from the "NO GLASS" sign I had taped up. Today was a great day.